Relationships

• Deeper Dating by Ken Page

  • This book is perfect if you've found yourself single, and are wanting to date in a more conscious, real way. There are some great exercises to get you thinking about how you are currently approaching dating, and opportunities to reshape these perspectives for the better. 

• Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel

  • Esther Perel is one of the absolute masters when it comes to relationships. This book focuses particularly on the challenges of long term relationships. Perel speaks to the difficulties we are encountering as a society with love relationships - increasingly we are expecting our partners to be our everything and it's no coincidence this has coincided with increasing divorce. This book will get you thinking about how desire can be maintained in long-term relationships. 

• State of Affairs by Esther Perel

  • Affairs; statistics vary about their frequency but infidelity is undoubtedly common. An affair does not have to be the end of a relationship though. With both people deeply committing to understanding the array of factors that led to the affair, for the cheater and the cheatee, healing is possible and so too is a future relationship. This book will also help you 'prevent' affairs by considering what factors can tend to lead to affairs. 

• The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman

• Marry Him - Lori Gottlieb

• Aftermath by Rachel Cusk 

• Intimate Communion by David Deida

• Break up Boss by Zoe Foster Blake

  • Foster Blake is brilliant at making useful, practical, and accessible things; this book firmly continues that trend. Any young woman going through a break up would do well to get their hands on this. The practical tips like no contact with your ex for 60 days, suggestions for connecting with self again, and reflective processes to think about future relationships are spot on and just what you need in the aftermath of heartbreak. There is also a companion app that is fantastic. 

• Truth by Neil Strauss

  • As the author of The Game, a guide to picking up women, Strauss being listed in the relationship section might seem a bit curious. The Truth, though, is a brilliant exploration of varied relationship types, 

Mental Load, Emotional Labour, and Who Does What
Full disclosure - these books are all ones I have read in the context of my PhD where I am exploring how couples manage the mental load component of family life. Nonetheless, they are super helpful and thought provoking resources for couples trying to figure how to better share the seemingly endless challenge of work and family life. 

• Fair Play by Eve Rodsky

  • Rodsky developed a system for having clear and targeted discussions about all aspects of family life. It's a great jumping off point to get thinking about this issue in more depth. I particularly like that she breaks things down into phases - conception, planning, and execution. This articulates that feeding the family is not just about cooking the food, but the thinking and planning work too. Rodsky has cards and a whole system to follow to structure these discussions. 

• Drop the Ball by Tiffany Dufu

  • Dufu has an interesting response. Finding herself burnout and overwhelmed, frustrated that by virtue of being a mother she'd ended up overloaded in a way her partner had not, decided to just 'drop the ball'. She stopped doing the things she had done, passing tasks more clearly to her partner, from woe to go, and importantly, letting him do it his way, not criticising and interfering, trusting his capacity to do things. Criticising a partner for doing something but not in the way we'd like is a key part of what perpetuates the extra labour of women.

• Fed Up by Gemma Hartley

  • Hartley had an article go viral on Harper's about emotional labour, describing a request to her husband to organise a cleaner as a gift for her birthday. He proposed instead that he'd happily clean the bathrooms, missing that the work of taking the 'doing' aspect of cleaning the bathrooms of their plates would be highly beneficial but that actually getting that to happen, by researching cleaners, vetting them, figuring out the time for them to come etc. was actually a significant aspect of the work. Hartley will help you spot the invisible labour that is probably leaving you exhausted and burnout. 

Men's Work

• The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida

• John Wineland's work - youtube clips, articles, and online program. 

Women's Work

• Dear Lover by David Deida

• The Wild Woman's Way by Michaela Boehm

• Motherhood by Sheila Heti

• Pussy by Regena Thomashauer

Sex and Intimacy

• Women's Anatomy of Arousal by Sheri Winston

• Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski 

• The Erotic Mind by Jack Morin

• Untrue by Wednesday Martin

• Elena Rossi - articles and other resources

Books About Therapy

• Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb

  • A fabulous read by a psychologist, about a relationship breakdown in her life that prompted her to engage with a therapist. 

• The Gift of Therapy by Irvin Yalom

• The Examined Life by Stephen Grosz

General

• Lost Connections by Johan Hari

  • An exploration of depression in the modern world - what might be causing it, and how we might fix it. A really novel perspective, well grounded in research. 

• Sapiens by Yuval Noah Harari

• Any Ordinary Day by Leigh Sales

• Eggshell Skull by Bri Lee

• Tribe of Mentors and Tools of Titans by Tim Ferriss

• Lying by Sam Harris

• 12 Rules for Life by Jordan Peterson

• Meditations by Marcus Aurelius

• First We Make the Beast Beautiful by Sarah Wilson

• Staring at the Sun by Irvin Yalom

• It's Not Always Depression by Hilary Jacobs Hendel